Baristi

This is my story– the story of a non-binary trans barista affording top surgery, as told through an [[autobiographical game]]. <img src="http://36.media.tumblr.com/4f19abcf992e4898ae9a0c21ba97d43e/tumblr_nywpzaF7Ea1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 640 height = 450 alt="me in my workplace/coffee shop">

To play: follow along, and when applicable, weigh the “options”. In heteronormative, cisnormative, imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy no decision is without consequence. [[START]]

My alarm rings. It's time to get up. I need to be at work for 6:30. [[Snooze]] [[Roll out of bed]] <img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y2GVNDeb__s/UB3FC5z2U8I/AAAAAAAAXZc/ZZIdUdJUX70/s1600/alarmclock.jpg" width = 600 height = 500 alt="Alarm clock that reads 5:09am">

I wish. The trains run local on Sundays. There is no time to snooze!

I locate my work shirt and binder in a pile on the floor. My ribs and back still ache from yesterday's 8 hour shift. I make a decision. [[Bind anyway]] [[Go back to bed]]

I look in the mirror and I like what I see, the shirt falling flat across my chest. [[The problem is...]] <img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/0816790dedcb63a302c803d320044ca5/tumblr_nywcj86sU21v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 640 height = 450 alt="me standing in front of a mirror">

If I miss work, I will be fired. I need this job to afford surgery.

Presenting as my authentic self means more questions and interrogations about what is in my pants. While I would to love some mascara, eye-liner, and fun lipstick when in the mood, it's not that easy. [[<b> Click HERE to try again |The problem is...]]

On the way, my phone goes off. [[Open text message]]

<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/8a8abc77aea1091501d2ab2c822f57f7/tumblr_nywytbCTyr1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg " width = 315 height = 480 alt="Transphobic text message from coworker"> [[Well, fuck.]]

[[Clock-in]] <img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/634bb00829e13dfbd5cc0e5ec5dd3919/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo2_1280.jpg " width = 150 height = 50 alt="Dysphoria goes up">

I wish I could look like this, and dress like this without being read as male. <img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/d7ffb91e652abbb8fa4cdd699bb94a26/tumblr_nyx0arXm7u1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 490 height = 300 alt="Character standing in front of mirror"> <img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/814d5a9f318c5c126a9d37402a930858/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria goes up"> [[I put on make-up, to express my femininity and masculinity]] [[I lace up my sneakers, and leave for work]]

[["Can I have a small mocha, with double espresso?"]]

<img src="http://49.media.tumblr.com/75124ac3a0d7316ade9f70fc55398bb4/tumblr_ng8r9emLgw1s30ko5o1_1280.gif" width = 800 height = 490 alt="shots being pulled"> [[steam milk]]

[[pour]]

Sure. [[pull shots]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/ada20b553b6fffe7dc4ebe6eb7babddf/tumblr_nyytgnUgNo1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="creepy customer with a heart thought bubble"> [[Umm...]]

<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/40210f5278a55ed7b8c29264debfbf31/tumblr_nyytgnUgNo1v10pdwo2_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="Creepy customer asking if I can squirt whipped cream in his mouth"> [[...]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/a6020f7353893587a1dee9141c62f0b1/tumblr_nyytgnUgNo1v10pdwo3_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="creepy customer acts excited, while I am disgusted/shocked"> [[I don't get paid enough to deal with this]]

RUSH HOUR!! [[Accept fate]] [[Oh hell no]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/e5b2230b91b9bb293e025b154862d7c8/tumblr_nyyy5naGUe1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="rich white men everywhere"> [[....]]

Bank of America is on lunch break. White men in designer suits are streaming in by the [[masses]].

I can't walk out now.

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/eaa606c758d4f03c3dc07086fa3ff467/tumblr_nyyz7jEQWI1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="numerous complaining customers"> [[MISSION: Solve customer issues before they get out of hand]]

Someone never received their drink. . . [[What did they order?]]

[[Pumpkin Spice Latte]] [[Americano]] [[Soy Cappuccino]] [[Latte]]

Try again.

Not this time.

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/1d4f1f4215d92dd0d823ca82b07f5c75/tumblr_nyyxtv66241v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 600 height = 410 alt="my coworker misgenders me in front of a customer"> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c87bc459c7ba4ce1f8db244fefad2263/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo3_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar goes up"> [[Correct co-worker about my pronouns]] [[Make drink]]

Hey, my pronouns are they/them. [["Huh?"]]

Sorry about the wait; here you go! <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/1e559729ec9e078833ebf873f71e1984/tumblr_nz3qr5qpbr1rqk6vfo1_1280.jpg" width = 640 height = 450 alt="customer being handed drink"> [["Thanks, I guess."]]

Yeah, I identify as non-binary. My correct pronouns are they/them. [["Wait, what? I'm so confused..."]] <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c87bc459c7ba4ce1f8db244fefad2263/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo3_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full">

[["...You're a girl."]] <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar goes up">

[["Also, they is plural. It's just not correct."]] <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full">

<img src="http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-04/enhanced/webdr06/10/16/anigif_enhanced-buzz-5709-1397163414-15.gif" width = 700 height = 400 alt="check your privilege"> Cisplaining gets me nowhere. This is a [[dead end|Latte]]. <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full">

Maybe next time.

<img src="http://45.media.tumblr.com/7cb21b09707e7d14f5cf8e27305db459/tumblr_n1xe34quqe1r3at3zo1_500.gif" width = 800 height = 490 alt="late being poured"> [[Would you like whipped cream?]]

Next person in line, please [[step down]].

<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/09795f4fb6ce8a6fd39a0cc0b4fd2c7e/tumblr_nz2phdnvXo1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 620 height = 430 alt="Customer reads me as male, and says: Oh my god. What are you like, 7 years old?!"> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c87bc459c7ba4ce1f8db244fefad2263/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo3_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar goes up"> [[.....]]

<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/e422c3398e514673d20b3bcb74196c1d/tumblr_nz431uegI91v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 630 height = 440 alt="coworker says "he?! You mean SHE""> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full"> [[I'm 20. I just look young.]]

<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/72d6edbbe0d0f968d1245e4d5d3838d1/tumblr_nz441efGXO1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 630 height = 440 alt="customer asks if I am a boy or a girl"> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full"> [["I need to know."]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/d35b5875393a5a5b5c1c67b37c4cb7bc/tumblr_nz44hs0XiB1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 630 height = 440 alt="customer says "what are you?""> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full"> [[......]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/ab43e2cfe2bc24100871ff08470bcbd0/tumblr_nz43cfFNA01v10pdwo2_1280.jpg" width = 630 height = 440 alt="me visibly upset"> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full"> [[I have to get out of here.]]

<h3> Thank you for playing. </h3> You witnessed my struggle via [[situations that actually happened]].

Beyond this, I attempted to explore queerness in relation to [[heteronormative, cisnormative, imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy]].

In sharing my story, I sought to centralize trans experience as knowledge (destabilizing dominant cis knowledges), while speaking to the political, social, racial, and economic landscapes that determine livability – or lack thereof. <h6> [[Play again|Again]], or check out my [[Works Cited]].

Tension at the workplace is a type of gendered and/or queer labor, underneath larger structures of [[power and privilege]].

<h6> <Li> Gameplay images: Sims. 3. Maxis / Electronic Arts. 2009. Video game. <Li> Alarm clock: <a href="http://kasibumgarner.onmason.com/2012/09/08/html-test/">Kasi's Digital Past Blog <Li> Espresso gif: <a href="http://yourcoffeeguru.tumblr.com/post/104633926039">Tumblr</a> <Li> Latte gif: <a href="http://weheartit.com/entry/137412068?utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=image_share&utm_source=tumblr">Tumblr</a> <Li> Privilege gif: <a href="http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-04/enhanced/webdr06/10/16/anigif_enhanced-buzz-5709-1397163414-15.gif">Buzzfeed</a> <Li> Error gif: <a href="http://anchosixx.tumblr.com/post/126199662108">Tumblr</a> <Li> Error Message: <a href="http://imvirtual.co.vu/post/105097577493">Tumblr</a> <Li> Definition of Slow Death: <a href="http://www.jasbirpuar.com/assets/The-Cost-of-Getting-Better.pdf">Jasbir Puar's "The Cost of Getting Better"</a> <Li> Static gif: <a href="http://atenuousrowbetween.tumblr.com/post/46777991122/whatever"> Tumblr</a> <Li> Play gif: <a href="http://imvirtual.co.vu/post/105097577493">Tumblr</a>

<img src="http://36.media.tumblr.com/dfda94e244ca030eb311708d10de4510/tumblr_nz2pl04Udk1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 500 height = 435 alt="me saying, Uhh? No. I'm 20."> <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c87bc459c7ba4ce1f8db244fefad2263/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo3_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar goes up"> [["You're not 20! Come on. How old is he?!"]]

[[I leave to clear my head.]]

[[<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/ffc790790cf52307325185c777a42332/tumblr_nzqu8w6pET1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="man questioning my gender"> |Error]] <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full">

[[<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/dfb74656b927946c1a424525a94b830a/tumblr_nzqtqnXuDl1v10pdwo5_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="woman asking me to leave"> |Error]] <img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/c7926504ce660a95179c82ab6272c9ab/tumblr_nyx00cAbMi1v10pdwo4_1280.jpg" width = 150 height = 50 alt="dysphoria bar is full">

Dysphoria overload. [[<img src="https://49.media.tumblr.com/dfc2b6379c8e39ffe7669e688c9121b8/tumblr_nss7hatlvb1tf67l3o1_500.gif" width = 700 height = 500 alt="system error"> |slow death]]

[[<img src="https://45.media.tumblr.com/09a990516478bc5e8577cf2d94d71770/tumblr_mkjgqzsJ9h1r83cqho1_500.gif" width = 700 height = 500 alt="glitch"> |Thank you]]

[[<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/25f3d392f84c9d0ea52738113fb5b1ae/tumblr_nzr1ic3iuo1v10pdwo1_400.jpg" width = 700 height = 330 alt="slow death error message"> |error2]]

[[<img src="https://45.media.tumblr.com/eb38f2f088ce7a829eaf55bad79dbe62/tumblr_ngj5zrgO7y1tu70b1o1_500.gif" width = 700 height = 500 alt="play again"> |Game Description]]

[[<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/73ffc4ea229df183bbc2ae481c50159b/tumblr_nzs6ufzxDi1v10pdwo1_540.jpg" width = 300 height = 500 alt="men's room"> |mens room]] [[<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/e36ccea057bc5346630c9b94bccafbc5/tumblr_nzs748MJli1v10pdwo1_540.jpg" width = 300 height = 500 alt="men's room"> | womens room]]

<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/5dd443a820a9fdfc7911628c38d75e68/tumblr_nzs6jtliNc1v10pdwo1_1280.jpg" width = 700 height = 500 alt="me standing in front of the women's room and men's room"> [[which one?]]

I go to the bathroom, but [[which one?]]